Losing weight played a big part in my life. It was a pivotal moment for me. The catalyst to everything I am now.
I've been a bigger girl my whole life, I've been bullied by my peers and my family for it but nothing made me want to change more than when I went to college.
Freshman year of college
That year (2012) my "Freshman 15" weight was piling on rapidly. From eating whatever on campus to my tons of snacks in my room. I ate when I was bored, I ate when I was stressed, I just ate way too much and way too much of the "wrong" things without any type of daily cardio. Before I realized it sophomore year came around and I had reached up to 220 pounds.
I was the biggest one of my group of friends in college. It made me angry because I felt like I stuck out but not in a good way. I didn't realize how bad my anger was till I started lashing out a lot for no rational reason. I had built up jealousy towards my smaller friends.
I didn't want to be big anymore but instead of doing anything about it I let myself stay mad about it and wallow in it. I always had a chip on my shoulder. Jocelyn my roommate at the time could tell you. Bless her heart.
Looking back I realize now how toxic the situation was. How sad it was honestly that I was living my life like that. I was always upset about something and it all stemmed from the fact that I wasn't happy with myself. I didn't like looking in the mirror. I didn't like what I saw. I had no inner happiness so I had no happiness or love to give to the world.
One day I went home to visit my boyfriend. It was a 4 hour bus ride but it was worth it because I felt like he was my only happiness which is also not okay. I didn’t love myself and I was looking for outside validation. The only time I felt good was when I was with him. He told me straight up that I was getting really big and he was concerned. I had gained 25 pounds that semester alone. Hearing him say that made me breakdown. I don't remember a time I've cried harder than that moment.
As soon as I got back to school I started to dedicate my time to that goal, losing weight. I joined Club soccer I started turning my eating around but no results. I was getting frustrated so I would slack on my healthy eating or stop going to as many practices & show up when I want to.
I came home for Christmas break and my mom told me I was looking smaller. That motivated me to get back on track. I came back to school with a new attitude and new plan to shed the weight. (see weight loss blog for specifics) I changed my eating habits and I added so much more cardio throughout my day from walking. I started shedding weight and I could finally notice it.
As the weight started shedding so did my attitude. Losing the weight truly made me feel lighter. I felt like that chip was lifted off my shoulders. I felt myself smiling more and waking up feeling good everyday. I felt a happiness I never felt before because I was happy with what I saw staring me back in the mirror. I radiated that happiness and it was a visible difference. Jocelyn could tell you it was like I had done a 180. I had such a drastic change in my attitude and demeanor, she didn't know how to receive it because it was that different.
After losing the weight is around the same time I decided to seriously pick up my camera and put myself out there at school. I wasn't afraid of people looking at me because I looked damn good. It was Christmas break again and I saw there was a back to school event. I had it planned out. My outfit was cute and my body looked great. I decided to go to the event and take pictures just to start getting my name and work out there and it worked.
Losing weight gave me the confidence I needed to take that step out there and turn my hobby into a career. Losing the weight felt like losing a demon, that chip on my shoulder, that anger I had in me. I found myself smiling more, making new friends & just generally feeling good everyday because I loved what I saw in the mirror. People who knew me before and after told me even my walk was different. One old friend told me I used to be kind of hunched over when I walked. I kept my head down and got to where I had to because I didn't want to be noticed. After losing the weight I would go to the student center just to be seen. I would have no real reason to be in there other than the fact that I looked good and I wanted to share this glow and happiness with everyone.
Before losing the weight I wasn't capable of being a good friend or lover because I didn't have that love for myself first. Now after losing the weight not only do I feel an immense love for myself but I generally have this will to share that love with the people around me. I want everyone to feel this happiness and there is no reason they shouldn't. I try to motivate everyone around me to be their best self because everyone is capable of acomplish their dreams. There is no reason to be angry all the time and there is a root to that anger that you have to take the time to sit down and discover. I understand I had to go through that journey though to be able to help others get through their personal journeys.
Losing weight changed my life and thats what inspired me to create my fitness brand. Everyone should be able to feel this joy. Once I got my eating in check and daily exercise it was so easy for me to shed the weight and I want everyone to feel this feeling. Heart disease and high blood pressure is a very serious thing in our community which is another reason PXFITNESS means the world to me. I don't want to see anymore black men or women losing their parents or themselves to these diseases that can be fought through healthy living. It's too common for our people.
I hope that through my fitness brand I can inspire others to get in shape and teach their family and peers to do the same as well. The "reach one teach one" effect.
Thank you for reading this